


#madness

by Nicolas_Mayfair



Category: Filth (2012), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 15:03:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1903470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolas_Mayfair/pseuds/Nicolas_Mayfair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Detective Sergeant Charles Xavier is a police officer in Edinburgh, Scotland. He is married to wealthy defense attorney, Erik Lehnsherr. They were heralded as Edinburgh's rising stars in the world of crime and law. Raven (Erik's sister) became a surrogate mother for them. So they are raising 5 year old, David. However, as they reach their 7th wedding anniversary, marriage if tearing apart at the seams. Charles has become hot-tempered, philandering and a drunk. Erik is cold, a workaholic and unbeknownst to anyone dabbling in cocaine.<br/>Both men are determined to be the best in the field; and are taking no prisoners. </p><p>Slowly a madness is creeping into their lives - will either of them survive it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I, I can't get these memories out of my mind,_  
 _And some kind of madness has started to evolve._  
 _(Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma...)_  
 _And I, I tried so hard to let you go,_  
 _But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah_  
 _(Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma...)_  
  
 _I have finally seen the light,_  
 _And I have finally realized_  
 _What you mean._

 

**Edinburgh Police Department**

 

Charles sat on the toilet in one of the stalls. He wanted to smoke a cigarette in peace. That was until he heard a voice call out to him.

"Det. Sergeant Xavier, you wanted to know if someone picked up Alex Summers again. He's in interrogation room 3."

Charles opened his eyes and sneered. "Oh goody." He got up and threw his cigarette onto the ground. "Thanks, I'll take care of him!"

 

**Interrogation Room Three**

Sixteen year old Alex sat in the chair in front of the table. He fidgeted. He couldn't believe he was picked up. "Fuck me..."

The door opened.

Alex frowned the moment he recognized the policeman. "Det. Sergeant Xavier, I guess I should've know you were going to come see me."

Charles shook his head and frowned, "You've been warned Alex on numerous occasions about continuing this particular profession. A young smart boy like you - selling himself to old married men for a few pounds. What would your sweet Catholic mother say?"

"My sweet fucking Catholic mother abandoned me. I don't give a fuck what she would say. And I don't sell myself, at least not anymore. I was just standing on the corner having a cigarette and minding my own business when one of your buddies picked me up. I'm innocent."

Charles raised his eyebrows in disbelief, "Oh Alex. Why must we play these games? My officers would never pick up something without justifiable cause that the law was being broken."

"I wasn't hustling. Fuck, I just want to make a phone call." Alex crossed his arms.

Charles smiled. "All right. It now appears that we are getting somewhere. You want something from me. But, what are you going to give me?"

Alex rolled his eyes. He hated this motherfucker so very much. He looked up at the corner of the room, the camera light was off. Alex walked over to the detective and then got on his knees. He reached over and started to unzip the man's pants. "Damn, you're already fucking hard."

"I don't like wasting time. And neither should you." Charles was hoping the stupid kid would take the hint.

Alex sighed, and pulled the thick uncut cock out. Taking one last deep breath, he opened his mouth and swallowed Xavier down slowly.

Charles gasped with pleasure. "I love being police..."

The only noise in the small interrogation room was the sound of cock-sucking. The sound bounced off the walls.

Charles looked down to see the blond head bob up and down his cock. Charles could see how Alex left a slick coat of saliva on his dick. "I think you can go a little deeper..."

Charles grabbed Alex by the side of his head and forced his mouth down to the base of his cock.

Alex did his best not to gag; but it wasn't easy. The fucker was choking him.

"Come on kid, you do this for a fucking living." Charles skull fucked the boy.

Alex could feel the tears slide down his face. He was gripped the detective's legs.

It didn't take long for Charles to groan and blast the boy's throat with semen. With a final grunt, he pushed Alex off his cock.

Alex started to cough and take deep breaths. There were tears, saliva and semen dripping down his chin. He did his best to wipe it off. He looked over at the detective. "You're an asshole. Am I going to get my fucking phone call or not?"

Charles had zipped himself up and looked over at Alex. "Of course. Why didn't you say earlier?"

**Enter the Defense Attorney**

Erik knocked on the office door.

"Come in..."

Erik opened the door and went inside. He looked around the familiar small office. "I thought I should at least stop by and say hello."

Charles jumped out of his chair and smiled, "Of course you should stop by and say hello to your husband. Hello darling..."

Charles tried to kiss Erik on the mouth but the other man turned his head. The kiss landed on Erik's cheek instead.

"So Erik - what are you doing here?"

Erik sighed and put his briefcase on the chair in front of Charles' desk."I got a call from Alex Summers. He got picked up for solicitation."

Charles gasped, "Oh no. Poor boy. Really now, I thought he was going to your Brotherhood Program for At Risk Youth?"

Erik sighed, "He is part of the program. Alex swears he wasn't hustling this time. I know you think me gullible and foolish to believe him."

Charles reached out and put an arm around Erik's small waist. "Darling, you have a good heart. Boys like Alex have grown up on the streets; lying is like breathing to them. I don't think your foolish. But if you say that you believe Alex; then you are saying that my department arrested an innocent man. And that doesn't sound right."

Erik pushed Charles away. "It wouldn't be the first time your police arrested someone without cause. The history of this police department is far from exemplary."

Charles wagged a finger at Erik, "See now, when you say shit like that to me, that really fucking pisses me off. You have to know that these are my brothers and sisters."

Erik frowned, "Your supposed to uphold the law. Not be part of some club. I better go now. Alex is being released."

Charles grabbed Erik's arm. "Wait a minute..."

"You're hurting my arm."

"Stop moving and it will stop hurting. I just want another fucking moment with my handsome husband. Every single one of those hags outside my office are so jealous too. Poor sad cows."

Erik stopped trying to pull away. "I thought they were your sisters?"

Charles laughed, "Yes, well - as their brother, I'm allowed to call them sad ugly cows. I'm curious; what did Alex say to you? Anything else besides the bull shit story of being innocent?"

Erik frowned, "He finally told me that there's a cop harassing him. However, he swears it wasn't any of the arresting officers today. What kind of sick fuck would harass a sixteen year old boy whose trying so hard to make it better for himself and his little brother? Alex refuses to name any names for fear of retaliation. I told him he could trust me; but he won't say a word."

"Oh boy, that kid's a fucking liar. What police officer would waste his time going after that obnoxious little prick?"

Erik shrugged, "Well at least both you and Alex have both confirmed it's a male officer."

Charles didn't say a word.

"Is that all you wanted? I have work to do too." Erik looked down at his watch.

Charles licked his lips, "Erik, I don't want this distance between us. I love you. I know I'm a prick. But you and David are my world. You know that right? I'm just a bit stressed out right now. There is a promotion about to be announced. And I want it. I fucking deserve it. I'm the best bloody detective in this chicken shit place. Tonight, let me make it up to you?"

Erik shook his head, "I just wish you understood that this promotion isn't necessary. We have more than enough money. I don't think a promotion will be good for you. This goddamn job is changing you."

Charles exploded, "When you will you fucking understand that I don't want your fucking money. This is about me - about my career. Stop trying to make me into some fucking poofter house husband. I'm not going to do it. I want this promotion too much to just drop it. Bad enough I'm a bloody faggot - if I wuss out now from this promotion, they will have me wearing a dress soon enough! Be bloody supportive for fuck's sake!"

Erik got teary-eyed, "Jesus Chris Charles, when did you stop talking to me and simply started to scream at me? And you wonder why I pull away from you?"

Erik grabbed his suitcase and left the office. He simply slammed the door behind him.

"Fuck...!" Charles yelled at the top of his lungs, and kicked his chair across the room.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Erik try to patch things up - but things go terribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warning for this chapter, if you read the book or saw the movie, you know what the character is capable of doing*

**Xavier-Lehnsherr Home**

Erik looks at himself in the foggy bathroom mirror. He brings the tiny spoon to his nose and snorts the white tiny bump of powder. Just a bit to give him the courage to deal with Charles.

Erik can hear Charles calling out his name and puts away the dope in its regular hiding place.

"Erik...!"

"I'm just getting out of the shower. Wait a moment."

Charles held a dozen roses in his hands. He stood there waiting, combing his hair with his fingers.

Erik opened the door and shook his head, "Roses...?"

"You love flowers." Charles said with a smile.

Erik rolled his eyes, "Yes, I do. But I'm not a woman. You don't need to come home feeling guilty and think that roses will fix everything."

"Guilty...?" Charles threw the roses on one of the bedroom chairs. "What am I guilty of....?"

"Yelling at me, in your office. But of course you don't remember. You don't seem to remember any of your behavior." Erik grabbed the pajama bottoms that were lying on the bed.

Charles bit his bottom lip. "Why do you wear those stupid pants to bed. You're a grown man. Not to mention they block the easy access I have to your cock and ass."

Erik didn't say anything. He slipped them on.

Charles started to undo his tie and other clothes. He headed toward the bathroom. "I'm really sorry about missing dinner. That cocksucker attorney Darwin showed up again; this time he was actually trying to file a complaint about police brutality against one of his cum-sucking clients."

Erik sighed and got into bed. He watched Charles disappear into the bathroom and eventually heard the shower turn on.

About ten minutes later, Charles opened the bathroom door to let the steam out. He noticed that Erik was in bed reading some documents. When he walked out, he smiled. "I'm going to take another peek on David."

Erik nodded. "He misses you when you're not having dinner with us."

Charles hated the guilt trip that Erik placed on him. Of course Charles hated not being able to spend time with his son, but he was only doing his fucking job.

Charles tiptoed into his son's room. They boy was sound asleep, with his arm around a little policeman teddy bear that Charles gave him for his birthday. Charles told him that Det. Teddy would keep the monsters away from his dreams. Charles touched the boy's head gently and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you so much."

Erik looked up when Charles came back to the room. He could see that Charles' looked like he was crying. "What's wrong? Is something wrong with David?"

Erik started to get out of bed.

Charles put his hand out, "No stop, he's fine. It's just me. I just got - emotional - seeing my son. I love him so fucking much, it hurts."

Erik shook his head, "Love isn't supposed to hurt. Love should make you happy. Love shouldn't be painful."

"Yeah, yeah - please don't fucking analyze me tonight. I'm too bloody tired."

Erik licked his lips and watched Charles get beside him on the king size bed. He looked down at his documents but wasn't reading them. Instead he was thinking of Charles. "I know that love is a very difficult emotion for you. You were horribly abused as a child, and that will warp a person's reality about certain things."

Charles gritted his teeth, "Here we go..."

"No please, just listen to me. What your family did to you isn't easily forgotten or dismissed. You think it has no effect over you anymore because you're an adult. But that's wrong. You're a cop; you have seen what happens to kids when they come from abusive homes. Charles , I just want you to think about going back to therapy."

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose, "Therapy. Again? No fucking way. Why in the world would I want to dredge up the fact that my stepfather used to rape the fuck out of me as a kid? Bring back the memories of my drunken mother ignoring my cries for help? A stepbrother, whose only words to me were "...you're the faggot, so better you than me." Why do you think talking about that shit will make me feel better?"

Erik frowned, "There is more to therapy than just dredging that stuff up. I don't think you need to rehash the things you are aware happened to you. I think you will feel happier if you talk things out again."

Charles shook his head, "No, I think I will feel happier if I got to make-love to my husband. If you let me touch you and fuck you, I think that will bring a world of happiness to me."

Erik could see the need and desire in Charles' blue eyes. They were reaching down deep into him too. "We can't solve our problems with sex."

"No, but at least we can hold them at bay for a while?" Charles reached over and kissed Erik.

Erik welcomed the kiss. In so many ways, he was missing Charles' touch. He did not want their marriage to fall apart.

Charles pushed his hand in between Erik's legs. "See I told you to not wear those stupid pants."

Erik sighed and took off his bottoms, throwing them on the bedroom floor beside the bed.

Charles proceeded to stroke Erik's cock - that seemed unwilling to become erect to his touch. Charles stopped kissing Erik and looked down. "Hey, what is wrong?"

Erik tried to pull Charles' hand away.

"Stop that - I want to make you hard. I used to make you rock hard with just my kisses, but you're limp like a fucking noodle. Baby, are you all right?"

"I must be stressed or something." Erik shrugged.

"Or maybe I need to touch the magic spot?" Charles said and pushed his hand further down until he reached Erik's arsehole. "Oh yeah, I think I found my baby's magic spot."

Erik grinned and spread his legs further.

Charles was rubbing Erik's arsehole gently. He started to push a finger inside but Erik took hold of his arm.

"Ouch, that hurts. Don't do that without lube, you know it bloody hurts." Erik frowned.

Charles pulled away and rummaged through his nightstand table until he found the bottle of lubricant. "Here we are - let me coat these fat fingers of mine."

Erik giggled, "You don't have fat fingers."

"Are you kidding me - I think all the fat from my arse is going to my fucking fingers."

Erik smiled and shook his head. For the first time in a long time, Charles sounded like the man he married.

Charles returned with lubed fingers and proceeded to bring them between Erik's legs. "I think you're right. It is so much better when your hole is all wet and gaping wide from my fingers."

Erik moaned.

Charles smiled and rubbed Erik's pucker until he felt it was right to push two fingers inside of him, "Now open up in the name of the law..."

Erik gasped with a smile on his face. He wanted to smack Charles for adding a police related joke in their foreplay.

Charles straddled Erik's right leg, so he could get his arm all the way between those long legs. Charles was rock hard as he fucked Erik's arsehole with two fingers. The fingers pushed in and out, Charles could feel Erik's pucker clench and unclench. "That's it baby. We don't need outsiders giving us therapy. We have therapy right here, between us."

Erik looked over at Charles.

Charles kissed him. He kissed him hard. Their tongue battled within each other's mouth. Erik groaned.

Charles pulled away, and smiled, "That's it. You are so fucking beautiful. I love you so much."

Erik was trying to thrust back toward the fingers inside of his body. He gripped Charles hair, pulling the ginger beard close to his mouth. "Fuck me."

"Fuck..." Charles pulled his fingers out of Erik's arse. He quickly grabbed the lube again and slathered his cock with it. "Fuck...Fuck.."

Erik smiled. "No rush...I'm not going anywhere."

Charles shook his head, "It's been too long. I'm afraid I'm going to blow my load."

"Don't you dare..."

Charles got between Erik's legs, placed his cock against the pink pucker. With one thrust, he slid inside to the base.

Erik gasped and grabbed Charles by the arms. He started to breathe hard. "Go easy Charles - remember - it has been a long time. Fuck, why did you slam inside me like that? That fucking hurt."

Charles shook Erik's arms off his him, until he held each of Erik's wrist tightly. "I thought you wanted to get fucked. Come on baby, you know you want this cock."

Charles slammed into Erik again.

Erik winced, "Charles, I said not so bloody hard."

Charles slid his cock inside of Erik and then withdrew. But then slammed inside again . And over and over again, Charles pulled his cock out of Erik and slammed it back inside. Charles kept his grip on Erik's wrist tight. He was breathing hard, the sweat was pouring down his back. Charles was still unnerved to see Erik's cock was limp. "Fuck, why aren't you hard?"

"Maybe because it hurts so fucking much...!" Erik closed his eyes and put his head back against the headboard, wincing with every thrust.

"Bullshit...!" Charles started to pound Erik harder and harder, "Come on Erik - get fucking hard. You have bottomed for me since we met in that stupid fucking bar. That night, you climbed on my cock and spewed your cum all over my chest without my touching you. And now you're fucking limp?"

Erik kept his eyes closed.

Charles let go of Erik's wrists and grabbed underneath his arse. He lifted Erik up just to get a deeper angle to hit his prostate. When Charles slammed inside, Erik's green eyes opened wide. "That' s it. Come on baby. Get hard for me. Come on Erik. You love cock in your arse."

"Just stop a moment. Listen to me Charles - you are hurting me. Stop for a fucking minute. I will be too sore tomorrow, I have court. I'm not going to get hard like this...!"

Charles shook his head and slammed inside of Erik, harder and harder. "I want your cock to get hard. It has to get hard. You love my cock, remember?"

Erik lips curled in rage, he reached over and wrapped his hands around Charles' neck. "Yes, but not as much as you love to get choked..."

Charles gritted his teeth as he felt Erik squeeze his neck.

Erik squeezed harder and harder. He watched Charles turn pink - then red - and then beet red from the lack of air. Angrily he said, "Running out of gas...?"

Charles could feel his movements slow down but his balls rise up again this body. When suddenly, like the snapping of a rubber band, he started to cum. It was like a boiling hot jet stream of cum that left his body.

Erik waited for Charles to orgasm before releasing his neck and using both arms to slam his husband against the chest.

Erik hit Charles so hard, the shorter man went flying across the room. His cum spraying the bed and floor around him.

Charles was rattled when he landed on the floor. His greasy cock was leaking all over the carpet floor. Charles was dizzy. He touched his neck and looked over at Erik. "You crazy faggot."

Erik narrowed his eyes. Charles was well aware that he hated to be called a faggot. On weak legs, Erik managed to stand up. He grabbed tissue and wiped his asshole before throwing the dirty tissue at Charles. Taking deep breaths, he grabbed the documents from the nightstand, and started to walk away from the bed.

Charles swallowed. He throat was killing him. "What the fuck was that...?"

"That was you not listening to me. I told you it was hurting me and you wouldn't stop! You were fucking me like I was some truck stop glory hole!" Erik yelled, he was trying very hard to keep the tears at bay.

"I'm your fucking husband! I fucked you like a husband. But what I don't understand is why are you so fucking limp? You say that you don' t want me to fuck you. But I know you Erik. You are a cock hungry faggot. You were from the day I met you. So, who is fucking you?"

Erik grabbed a book from the dresser and threw it at Charles. "First of all, I'm not a cock hungry whore or faggot! Stop rewriting my bloody history! Just because I wasn't a repressed and closeted gay man like YOU doesn't make me the town slag!"

"Let me tell you something my darling beautiful husband, when I find out who is putting their cock inside of you, I'm going find that fucker and put a bullet in their skull. Don't worry, no one will ever find the body. But I promise you, that guy is a dead man." Charles pointed angrily at Erik.

Erik shook his head, "You're not well. But right now, Charles, you aren't listening to anything I have to say. And I'm tired of repeating myself. This isn't going to work. You really fucked up tonight."

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warning - child abuse*

**Xavier - Marko Home, 28 Years Ago**

Charles wasn't why he decided to look for Petals in the basement. But he had gotten an irrational fear that Cain put the cat down there. The poor cat would die if he didn't bring her up.

What Charles wasn't trying to do was find his stepfather, Kurt.

But unfortunately that is what he did. He found Kurt down in the basement, sitting on old chair, drinking and masturbating to some girlie magazine.

Charles was frozen on the spot. He started to stammer as he started to apologize for disturbing Kurt.

Charles turned to run. He hated being alone with his stepfather. Kurt would say and do bad things to him whenever they were alone together.

But Charles didn't get far; Kurt managed to grab his arm.

"Please Kurt. I'm sorry, Sir. I was just looking for Petals. I will go back upstairs now." Charles knew he was starting to cry.

Kurt frowned, "Why are you crying?"

Charles could smell the alcohol on Kurt's breath. That just made him sniffle harder, he shook his head, "I don't like the basement. I just want to go upstairs and do some reading, Sir."

"Scared of the basement? But why...?"

Charles kept crying and looked down on the basement cement floor, "I don't know. Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry I interrupted your reading. Please let me go."

Kurt grabbed Charles and placed the boy on his lap. He took the bottle of whiskey and placed it against Charles' lips. "Take a drink Charles, it will give you some courage."

Charles shook his head, " Please, I don' t want to."

"Charles, I said drink. Go one, take a sip of this - it might make things a bit easier on you." Kurt lifted the bottle and held the boy by the back of the head.

Charles drank and immediately started to choke on the hot burning liquid. He looked over at Kurt. "Can I go now?"

"Not yet Charles. There is one more thing I want you to try."

 

**Sharon Xavier's Bedroom Sanctuary**

Sharon looked out the window. She held a cigarette in one hand and a vodka tonic in the other. The house was finally quiet.

It was 30 minutes ago, that she stopped her odorous stepson, who had walked by her bedroom door. "Cain - what was all that screaming I thought I heard...?"

Sharon was surprised to notice that Cain was flushed and sweating nervously like some pig about to be slaughtered. She furrowed her brow. "Where's Charles...?"

Cain's eyes opened wide, "He is down in the basement with Kurt."

And with that the boy ran off. Sharon looked out the window, to see the boy jump on his bike and peddle away like a bat out of hell.

She was going to inquire about what mischief her young son had managed to come to again; but that was 30 minutes ago and she was already on her third vodka tonic.

Sharon was humming to herself when she heard sniffling at her door. She turned to see Charles standing there. He looked frightful. "What are you crying about now Charles Francis Xavier?"

Charles started to walk toward her. His steps were hesitant.

"If your stepfather punished you; I'm sure it was for a good reason. You think that because you're the baby of the family that we all must cater to your whims." Sharon kept to her diatribe. She truly didn't wish to deal with the boy.

But Charles didn't say a word; he kept getting closer and closer to his mother until he stood beside her.

Sharon could hear the boy sniffling and sobbing next to her. "Oh for God's sake Charles - what is it...?"

"Mommy - it hurts. Please help me. It hurts so much." Charles started crying again.

Sharon sighed and shook her head. She put her cigarette and drink down and turned to look at the boy. It was then she noticed his legs. There was blood dripping down in the inside of his thighs and running down his legs. Sharon's eyes narrowed. "Damn you Charles. You ruin everything don't you?"

Charles shook his head and started to cry.

"Well, stop making a bloody mess on my carpet. Go to the bathroom, run the tub and sit in it for a while. Don't get out until there's no more blood. And stop crying, nothing will come out of your god damn crying! God knows what you did to deserve this; but let me tell you something buddy. I'm not losing a good husband, a home and my beloved sanctuary because of some sissy 7 year old cry baby!"

"Please mommy, can't you help me?" Charles reached out to touch his mother.

The woman cringed and swiped his hand away, "Don't touch me! Just go to the bathroom. I will bring you pajamas and some medicine to help you sleep. You will feel better and forget everything after a good deep sleep."

Charles nodded and started his painful walk out of his mother' s room. He would never go back in there ever again.

 

**Dr. Emma Frost, Psychiatrist**

"Charles - are you all right?"

Charles startled from his reverie. He wiped his eyes and looked over to the doctor sitting beside him. "Fuck."

Emma smiled, "You're upset. What were you t thinking about?"

Charles took a deep breath and wiped his face with his sleeve."I was thinking of the first time my stepfather raped me. And how my mother refused to help me."

Emma nodded and jotted down in her notebook."Did something we say trigger that memory?"

Charles sat up. He didn't feel like lying down on the chaise lounge anymore. He leaned back and spread his legs. He looked up toward the ceiling. "I was thinking about Erik. The last time we had sex; he said he told me to stop and I didn't."

Emma kept quiet. She knew well enough that Charles was in the mood to talk without her needing to prod him too much.

"And I guess, I was thinking about what it really feels like to beg someone to stop and not be heard. That afternoon in the basement. I was trying to find my cat, Petals. Did you know that...?"

Emma shook her head, "I don't recall that mentioned a cat, no."

Charles reached into his pocket and pulled his handkerchief. He wiped his nose with it. "I was only 7 years old. My dad had died about a year earlier. Mum was determined to marry someone that could take care of her and I. She found Kurt Marko. He was a fucking widower too, with an asshole bully of a son named Cain. There was so much blood. I remember soaking in the tub, and the water turned red like the story of Moses they tell you in bible study. Kurt waited a whole month before calling me to come to down to the basement again."

Emma listened intently. She didn't bother to take notes. Charles had told this story before but jut never with this much emotion behind it.

"I remember my mother saying that I had changed. And she was right. I never felt right after that day. And with the years that he continued to make me his fuck-toy; it was like someone chipping away at my soul. I was like a zombie. I remember one day I was out in the front of the house. Petals must of gotten out of the house earlier, and someone ran her over with their car. She was till twitching when I saw her. So I stepped on her , hard, until she stopped moving. I remember her guts were on the bottom of my shoe. I was glad to end her suffering. It didn't make me upset; it made me happy. Where the fuck was the shoe that was going step on me and end my suffering?"

Emma put her pen down. And looked over at Charles. This was the second time the man would shed tears. When he first arrived in her office three years ago; he never cried. He recalled the brutality of being sexually abused by his stepfather for almost three years - but Detective Sergeant Charles Xavier never shed a tear. And today , he could barely contain them.

"Charles are you thinking of hurting yourself?"

Charles shook his head, "Not today. Nope."

Emma nodded and jotted in her notebook. "We mentioned Erik saying that he felt you had assaulted him; do you think that just because Erik didn't beg as hard as you did as a child, his feelings shouldn't be validated? Do you feel there are varying degrees of rape? Some worse than others?"

Charles shrugged, "I'm a cop. As a cop; I have to say there isn't. The law is pretty stringent these days about rape and sexual abuse. But I don't always agree. I mean, we will get a report of some drunken slag that got fingered and then has regrets in the middle of it, and yells rape. We are picking up some pimple-face idiot for it. But, it sure as fuck isn't the same as some poor 6 year old Pakistani girl whose has gotten her fucking cervix smashed in so hard by her grandfather, that the E.R. doctors are giving her a bloody hysterectomy. I know rape! I've seen rape! I have seen rape that no one can bloody imagine! But I was making love to my husband, and just because he can't get a fucking hard on, he shouldn't be calling me a rapist!"

Charles stood up and started the pace the office.

Emma looked at the clock on her table. Their time was almost up. "Are you taking your medication?"

Charles shook his head, "That stuff makes me fucking fat. And I get weird dreams. Not to mention; it's hard to get a promotion at work if the higher ups think you're a nutcase."

Emma said, "No one should have access to your medical records."

Charles laughed, "Oh come off it Dr. Frost. I work for the police. WE know everything about everyone. There is no bloody privacy among the blue bloods."

"Are you drinking heavily?"

Charles knew he had to lie; but he shook his head, "Not really, no. Booze is bad for me. I know."

Emma nodded and smiled, "Well that's good to hear. As long as you don't self-medicate with alcohol, we might be able to find some solutions that don't require medication. It sounds like Erik is very upset. Did he file a police report against you?"

Charles eyes went wide, "My husband file a police report against me? Are you bloody daft woman? I'm a cop. I didn't rape him. He isn't going to file a report against me. My mates at the station wouldn't allow it."

Emma did her best not to frown. But she didn't smile either. The spouses of police officers can end up living very difficult and abusive lives. The police would shelter and protect their own. "Is he still at home."

Charles sat down again and nodded sadly, "He's still home. But in a guest room. And I can't stand it. It's driving me crazy. He walks around in his suits and or his yoga pants. I just want to rip it all off him and fuck him in the middle of living room. I want him so badly, I love him so much. How am I supposed to live with my husband and not share his bed? I can't do it. I'm going crazy."

"Erik is requesting some space. You can give him that after so many years together. If you love him; then show him that you won't hurt him ever again. " Emma looked at her clock. "And our time is up. I think we should make appointments for at least three times a week? You appear to be agitated. And since you don't wish to take medication, more sessions will be necessary."

Charles frowned but nodded. "Listen doctor. I know I'm a real cunt. But I love my son and my husband. They are my family . My ONLY family. I can't lose them. I think I will die if I did."

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Madness" written by Matt Bellamy of Muse.  
> This story is loosely based on Irvine Welsh's film and book titled "Filth" - however, out of respect for Mr.Welsh and my readers, I did not attempt the Scottish language in the story. I suggest everyone 1. read the book first, 2. watch the movie.


End file.
